you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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