I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
