I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
