Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
