My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
