i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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