it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
