Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
