I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
