I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
