guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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