There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
