that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
