Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
