Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
