He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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