i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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