dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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