dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
jump out the window naked night went bad
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
