I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
