I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
