Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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