when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
