Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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