Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
We have started to decorate penises.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
