So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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