Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
