don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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