Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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