hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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