woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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