I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
