I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
