yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
