I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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