I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
