True but thats because hes a fetus.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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