Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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