Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
