Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
