oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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