proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
