you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
