i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
love makes seman taste better
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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