K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
