Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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