Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
