i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
