I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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