I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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