The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
