We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
