and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
