pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
