I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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