her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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