I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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