evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
as a side note pls kill me
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